The Cameraman

1.) I had read the reviews online beforehand, so I thought I was prepared. The Cameraman would be located in a basement apartment, holed under the posh shops of Newbury Street. He did have hours of operation, but I should call in advance. There would be camera bodies scattered all over the floor, he would quote me one price and I would pay another, I’d be told to pick it up in a week by which he would mean months, maybe. The place would be filthy and unorganized. He would forget everything he ever said to me.

But: he was literally the only person left in Boston who repaired cameras any more.

It was either him or pay shipping.

And I am a woman of small means.

The metal-grated door was dark, and there was a hand-scrawled sign next to the doorbell. “PLEASE KNOCK.” On what? I wondered. I placed two fingers in between the grating and tapped dully. Could anyone have heard that?

The door swung open. I stepped inside.

2.) The first thing you will notice about The Cameraman is that he is afraid of you. Immediately after opening the door he backs away from you at such an extraordinary speed that by the time your eyes adjust to the darkness, he is behind the counter already, hands gripping glass.

“Hi,” you say. “I’m . . . Adrianne. We talked on the phone just about an hour ago, about my XSi, and the compression damages from a bicycle accident?”

He stands there frozen, with eyes darting back and forth.

“Perhaps,” you say, “I was talking to someone else,” even though you both know that is impossible.

3.) The next thing you will notice about The Cameraman is his glasses. They appear to be actually from the late ’40s or early ’50s; not some cutesy recreation, but well worn and heavy. Brown and thick at the top, with little silver decals at the edges.

You may be tempted to compliment him on them. I wouldn’t recommend it.

4.) The Cameraman will rarely if ever touch your camera. He seems to be afraid of getting too close to anything; instead he points, hovers, traces. His nails are trimmed to the pink; his hands are white and dry like day-old cake. He draws an outline in the air around your lens to explain the damage, then manifests a three-ring binder from behind the counter and flips open to a diagram of parts, tracing, always tracing just above the object, as if he were manipulating auras, perpetually playing some invisible theremin.

All of the pages in his binders are perfectly smooth. He wears a button-up shirt, neatly ironed and tightly fastened at the cuffs and neck. Over this he layers a starched navy lab coat. When he speaks, he enunciates each word carefully and repeats each sentence at least twice. “We will write this down. Compression damage. Remove lens. Do not repair lens.” Pause. “We will write this down. Compression damage.”

Arranged on the counter in front of you is a small display of dismantled digital cameras, tiny green and silver innards exposed, bright veins snaking in and out of black holes. A sign reads: “DO NOT TOUCH CAMERAS.”

Everything is placed at precise 45 degree angles.

5.) Behind The Cameraman is another doorless room, pitch black. Halfway through your visit a black and white spotted cat weasels out of it.

“When the repair is done, I will send you a card. This card,” he says, holding up a black and white printed postcard, reading THE CAMERAMAN. “When you receive this card, you may pick up your camera.”

“Okay,” you say. “And that will be a hundred and twenty dollars?”

“It will be one hundred and nineteen dollars and twenty cents.”

“Okay.”

“Cash only. Or, personal check.”

“No Visa. Got it.”

“Personal check is fine. Or cash.”

“Right. Great. Thanks.”

“Right. Great. Thanks. Goodbye Adrianne,” he says abruptly, placing his hands together at his chest. He backs away from you, heel-toe heel-toe the entire way, disappearing into the pitch black room with the black and white spotted cat.

” . . . goodbye,” you say. You resist the urge to run, and instead walk very, very quickly to the door, back into the light, the bright and bustling of money on Newbury Street.

6.) Four days later you get a postcard. It is black and white. It reads THE CAMERAMAN. Compression damage. Remove lens. Do not repair lens.

Your repair is ready.

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Five Stories On Habit

Once more, with feeling: five days, one writing prompt, and five rockin’ results. A series of stories on habit (download PDF), inspired by the following quotation:

Habit is the chief motive force. — Fyodor Dystoyevsky

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Featuring work by:

  • Benjamin Blattberg!
  • Peter Horan! (poetry blog)
  • Deborah Blakeley!
  • Myself!
  • Dennis Conrow! (website)

Want in on the next prompt? They are unpredictable, haphazard, possibly careless. Email me. You can also read the first experiment of this nature, on waiting, here.

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In A Beautiful World

When I was sixteen years old and just beginning to go to parties, I could not for the life of me comprehend the moping wallflowers. We’d be hanging out in someone’s parents’ ritzy living room and Prodigy or whatever would start tinning through the boombox, and suddenly a boundary would be formed: the people who wanted to dance, versus the people who wanted to lean– or talk, or stand, or make out, or whatever it is that people do when music is playing and they don’t know what to do with their arms.

“So, wait. Do you like music?” I would ask them, tiny lasers of condescension searing from my eyeballs. Pew, pew, pewpew! “Because I thought you liked music. But I find it really hard to believe that you like music, if you don’t want to dance to it.”

They would look at me helplessly and shrug.

This is not to say that I was a good dancer, or that I was cool, or that I had any right to be condescending to anyone. I’m sorry. I had pant legs which could have each made their own secretary skirt, and this was in 1999 (read: fad over). I was dancing to “Smack My Bitch Up” with one other girl I’d convinced to join me from theater AV on your parents’ oriental rug, while everyone else was splashing in the pool, or watching some sexy movie on the big screen in the rumpus room. I was wriggling in my gigantic pants and snaking my hands to the ceiling like some kind of druggie wannabe. I shouldn’t have been a jerk about it.

But honestly, I didn’t understand: did you like music, or didn’t you?

Lately I’ve been feeling those same sixteen-year-old feelings again. It is summertime in Boston, and I am traipsing up staircases in The Dance Complex to practice with walking canes which Sugar has dolled up to look like gigantic joints for our “Gin and Juice” number with Richard Cheese on July 1st. (I can’t get over his cover of Creep, which is arguably better than the original, if you hate to cry). It is probably going to be the most wonderful thing in the entire world. I texted Brendan on my way to rehearsal: “Is it just me, or are these the best days of our lives?” He responded: “We are the few lucky souls that know that we will remember these days forever. Starting right now.”

There is such joy in this. I am still not a good dancer, but I don’t understand: how can you say you love dancing, if you don’t take your clothes off while doing it?

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Upcoming: Stories On Habit

“Habit is the chief motive force.”
– Fyodor Dostoevsky

Want to join us in a collection of stories on habit, loosely or un-loosely based upon the above quotation? It will be digitally hand-stitched into a PDF (aka WIA, aka Wee Internet Anthology) with other habitual stories and posted here later next week. 500 to 2000 words, Doc or plain text file, “due” by noon on Monday. Fun and procrastination are imminent. Email here.

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