I took a programming class in college and have had this inside joke url ever since
This weekend: coming to terms with dorky shoes, and clambering to the top of the “moderately steep” Mt. Monadnock with a newfound hiking buddy. Hooray!
Andrew takes my picture.
Tiny, unidentified things.
Unpictured: once again, I erroneously assume that I can locate and drive to an apartment in downtown Boston in a reasonable amount of time by simply “looking at a map” and “writing down the directions.”
“Sooooo . . .” I said, exaggeratedly awkward, as if the awkwardness were an inside joke between us. “What . . . do we do now?” I glanced at the clock floating above her head. A half hour to go; God, I hated filling this time.
“Well,” she said. “We’ve talked about it before, and . . . I think you’re right. It sounds like you don’t need to be seeing me any more.”
A year of biweekly meetings, and this is how it ends. The lack of ceremony was killing me.
“So . . .” I prodded merrily, squinting an eye, “I’m cured, doctor?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Well for heaven’s sake, I didn’t say –”
“I’m cured, I’m cured!” I cried, pumping my arms in joy.
“Nobody’s ever cured.”
“Yeah, you’re right . . . I’ll probably see you later. Ah well. Thanks.” I stood up dejectedly. “Have a good one, now.”
“See you later Adrianne.”
And the door closed behind me with a shhhhhhhh.
1. The lessor acknowledges a received payment in the sum of ___, to be applied to the last month’s rent; upon signature of this lease and addendum, an additional sum of ___ is due, to be applied to the first month’s rent.
2. No one other than the tenants listed on this lease may inhabit this apartment during the time of tenancy. Subletting is not permitted.
3. No more than one cat shall be permitted in the apartment at any time.
4. The lessee is to ensure that seventy-five percent (75%) of the surface area of the floors (not including tiled or linoleum areas, such as the kitchen and bathroom) in the apartment must be covered at all times by area rugs or carpeting.
4. Wait, seriously? Did you just read that? But you love the floors!
5. Man, it is almost ten o’clock at night and you haven’t eaten dinner yet. That suuuuuucks. What’s this broker doing here, so late? Why do they all put pomade in their hair and drive Cadillacs? Note to future self: do not become a broker.
6. Just sign the lease. Just sign it. It’s fine.
7. The tenants may not paint, alter, add or attach anything to the floors, ceilings, or walls. The tenants may have oral confirmation from the lessor that “pastel colors are okay, like a light blue maybe?” but they must confirm all colors again before any painting activity begins.
8. The tenants understand that they are also signing a legally binding agreement to remain romantically involved until the end of tenancy. The tenants understand that this will double the length of their relationship, and they’re pretty comfortable with this arrangement, but God help them if they change their minds before next September.
9. Really, this apartment is pretty sweet. It is too bad about the floors. Maybe you can be sneaky.
10. Initial here, initial here, sign here, and do not forget to sign this addendum.
I first met Jerria Bates* the way I met all of my friends in elementary school: I was sitting alone at a classroom table pretending to do something interesting, and one day she appeared and asked if I wanted to be her friend. It was the fourth grade, and we had all just read “The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle.” Jerria looked exactly like the cover’s depiction of Charlotte Doyle: auburn curly hair, thick-cheeked and sincere-eyed. Coincidentally, she was also battling pirates, but I wouldn’t learn about that until later.
“Okay,” I said.
We were almost immediately inseparable, sharing a love for books and bouncy balls, and she was the first friend I had that wasn’t usually mean or hurtful to me in some way. Technically speaking, the day that Jerria and I became friends, I was “taken” — claimed as a best friend of another girl, as girls do. But Jerria convinced me that it wasn’t right for alleged best friend to push and hit me, “she’s a bully, and besides, she smells bad” — and so I dropped Treya like a disappointing one-night fling from Senor Frog’s, and Jerria and I commenced with sleep overs, playing with Barbies and her pet hamster. Not to mention jokes about our teacher, Bob — an acronym, we decided, for Body Odor Bob. Smell was a big thing in the fourth grade.
After my little sister got a knife pulled on her by a homeless man during recess, our parents decided it was high time we got the hell out of that neighborhood, and thus ended my brief education by the city of Minneapolis. We moved to the suburbs.
The strange thing is, I don’t remember a single thing about leaving. I don’t remember my last day in Mount Sinai, tearful embraces, goodbyes, nothing. For all I know we never said goodbye, she was out sick that day, it didn’t occur to us. But afterwards we started writing each other letters, back and forth, pages and pages and pages.
Pictures taken during three hours of frisbee-golf playing in beautiful, meadowy and wooded terrain: three. Pictures taken of friends’ cat once we returned to Worcester: twenty-one.
UFOs in late afternoon
Oh hai mz Banks I am America’s Next Top model plz?
I was in a conundrum about which out of two pictures of Peek-a-Boo to post. They were both so adorable oh my god. “Post both of them,” Jurvis said. “That way people will know where your priorities lie.”
Color me convinced. Here you go: ROTFLMAO.
