On Taking Your Picture

It’s always hard, at first, going into a foreign situation with a camera. You want everyone to be comfortable with your presence there, which involves some self-explanation or announcement and at least the illusion of your own comfort — but you also want to be invisible.

I’m always worried about weirding people out. Hi! I just recorded that! Like two inches from your face! This will go on the internet!

There’s a tenderness in recording anything, in defining it as a memory, claiming it to keep. And there’s a kind of devotion in selecting and editing that recording afterwards: bringing the light up on your face, adding some blue where tungsten became too yellow, removing saturation. I don’t know. Is that actually kind of creepy?

Each time I take your picture, I’m really asking you: “hey so is it okay, if I love you for a while? Just like this.” And there’s this moment when you could say no — but never seem to.

And hours later I pack up and go home, my chest expanding yeses.

Full album: from The Haunted Basement here.

Continue Reading

In The Basement

There was a moment, when I was standing in the flickering green light in front of one of the coffins (someone trapped inside), that I turned my head a certain way, and peered out from the eyeslits in my giant pig mask, and I was overcome with not so much déjà vu as pure memory: I had dreamt this, I thought, just maybe six months before.

I had woken up from the dream thinking “where could that have taken place? What was I doing, standing in front of that coffin, why couldn’t I see quite right?” but what had really stuck with me was how the dream had ended. Something was happening outside of the basement, something awful that I had no power to stop while I stood in front of that coffin, and I would not find out what that was until all of this was over.

Slideshow of full album: here.

Continue Reading

Bloody Chase

(From The Big Book of Chilling Ghost’s, by Annie Mathiowetz, age 8.)

Once there was a kitten that loved to play on graves!

One day she was walking on the graves like she always did when whack! Something was pulling on her!

“Meow!”

She was very scared. She cried and cried for help, but every house was asleep! So that was the end of the cat, or . . .

“Meow!”

Was it?

She finally freed herself and she still didn’t learn her lesson!

The very next day she did it again!

And the next day there was blood on the grave! But it wasn’t the kitten’s! Then the next day she saw the blood began to rise!

She went out and chased it all around the yard! And she finally caught it!

But the blood didn’t stay on the ground! It began to sink with the kitten on it!

The kitten tried to free herself but couldn’t! Not this time. She cried, she howled, but no one heard her!

“Meow!”

And no one ever saw the kitten again! They searched the graves in every graveyard, but all they found was the blood that took the kitten in!

So the next time you see blood on a grave you better not walk on it!

R.I.P.

(Image taken at the Mpls/St. Paul Zombie Pub Crawl. Full album: here.)

Continue Reading

Why Are You Here?

“We’re extraordinarily rich. We’re the top one percent you see, and we’re quite pleased with how things are going, so. We just thought we’d let you know. Thanks.”

“Yes! We support everything that’s happening! Long live capitalism!”

“We are staunch supporters of capitalism.”

We were standing in the median dividing the West End from a Leeann Chin; Maggie was taking her turn blindfolded and wandering the median with her poster, and I stood jovially at the edge with my “Feudalism Works (Even If I Don’t)” sign. We were speaking entirely in our “wealthy” voices (which just got progressively more British as the evening progressed). Oh I do love things! It’s so marvelous to own so many of them! Thank you for the bailout, the investments are going splendidly!

The woman in the crosswalk’s head cocked like a dalmatian’s. “Capitalism?”

“Yes! We’ve done so well by it.”

“Capitalism.”

“Tip top! Is that a thing we say? Tip top!”

“What’s capitalism?” she asked.

“HA!” I broke.

Then, “oh, wait, I’m sorry, are you serious?”

“Whatever, I have to go. I’ll look that one up when I get home. You guys have fun.”

I turned and stared at Maggie, who was now teetering on the edge of the curb as traffic rushed by, the chiffon blindfold around her eyes beginning to slip. “Well this is one of the nuttier things I’ve ever done,” I said.

Continue Reading

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Was what it said, for no discernible reason, on the Uptown’s marquee tonight as I left yoga class. A cold rain had just passed, and the sky was melting down the buildings like a slurpee. I love this city.

I’ve noticed that, both in exercise and in life, generally, the best motto I can find so far has been “but, it’s easy.” Most of the work is in overcoming my own resistance. I can’t do that, it’s too hard, I hate this, I should slow down, this is too much.

But, it’s easy. And suddenly you just float up.

Continue Reading