Open (Open (Close) » Dear Diary

Aha, Aha, Aha

Adrianne — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 17:58:06 +0000

The most important realizations never seem to stick; they have to be relearned, reiterated, constantly. Today I know; tomorrow I have forgotten. There is even a pleasure in this.

Let’s Do This

Adrianne — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 19:59:06 +0000

For a long time I thought I had learned some kind of major life lesson when I realized that job-searching was the exact opposite of dating — that here was an allotment of adult experience where eagerness was encouraged, excitement rewarded. But now I’m thinking maybe it’s counter-productive to ever pretend to be less enthusiastic than you are.

Screaming Figures

Adrianne — Tue, 12 May 2009 02:18:10 +0000

Back when I first introduced this site, I told you that I had all kinds of lofty ambitions. Flash fiction, I promised! Poetry! . . . “I don’t know”! Oh yeah, and stick figure collections.

Rough Night. (Full album.)

The night Brendan and I met, I told some anecdote and he made a casual aside which went something like “yeah, but you’re a crazy bitch.”

“What!” I thought indignantly, “I’m not a — ” and then I remembered that I needed to scan and upload these.

Occasional, Briefer Bouts of Mortality

Adrianne — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:32:58 +0000

Last night, after turning off the lights to go to sleep, I thought to myself “I will die some day.”

When I was a kid, I thought about this a lot — mostly during car rides, for whatever reason. I’d sit in the back seat, my sister dozing in a car seat next to me, and I’d stare at my hand. “That’s your hand,” I’d think to myself. “Your. Hand. That is you.” I tried to envision what it’d be like to completely not exist. I tried to define what it meant to be alive in the first place, to be myself specifically, my hand. The thoughts themselves were trippier than anything I tried in college, and I stopped trying to fathom them sometime in high school.

“I will die someday,” I thought to myself last night, for the first time in maybe ten years. “I will lose all sensation of reality, and everything will progress without me. Yes. This is upsetting.” Then I rolled over and went to sleep.

Possessed

Adrianne — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 16:20:47 +0000

For much of my life, I have loved to lie on my bed and just stare at my freaking beautiful, glorious bookshelf. Occasionally I’ll think about what it’d be like to come home with myself on a date for the first time — the joy it would be to roll over in the morning, to see all of those amazing titles in this new partner’s possession. The Fact of a Doorframe. Nazim Hikmet, Kepler’s Witch. “You like Grace Paley?” I would gasp gushily. “You keep The Voyage of the Beagle next to your bed?”

I think I would fall in love with myself, right there.*

*Assuming, of course, that I was not completely weirded out by anything in that “self-help and sexuality” section.

The Security Update

Adrianne — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:20:20 +0000

This is perhaps the cruelest security question I have ever set for myself. The question, in being asked, manifests its correct answer.

Favorite teacher? Favorite pet? Mother’s maiden name? No other query has proven to be as steadfast in its ability to simultaneously log me into my bank account and ruin my day.

Is It April Yet?

Adrianne — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:50:20 +0000

Every now and then I go through a phase where I have absolutely no desire to write, whatsoever. It generally means that I’m either being dishonest to myself about something, or I just haven’t felt real sunlight on my skin in too many days (or is it weeks, or is it months).

New Year’s Resolutions

Adrianne — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 23:13:07 +0000

As penned by myself, two hours to midnight and after three glasses of champagne:

1. Go to yoga at least twice a week!
2. Eat more fruit! Eat more vegetables! Make more smoothies!
3. Treat your Seasonal Affective Disorder with liberal doses of electric tanning beds!
4. Go camping in the springtime!
5. Floss.

What I neglected to remember at the time, of course, is that I never do the last thing on my lists. Bring it, 2008.

Adrianne is Surprised

Adrianne — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 03:09:04 +0000

Here’s a fun way to find out that your high school sweetheart got married last weekend: through the Facebook status update of his little sister. “Hey, she’s a sister-in-law now, eh? Well that’s exciting for her. Oh, wait a minute . . .”

The First Fifty-Degree Day

Adrianne — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:03:00 +0000

The day began cloudy, and the high was fifty-four degrees. I opened all the windows in our apartment and threw on long underwear and a sweater.

October I love you.

Small pleasures: previously-owned clothing (one dollar), the colors navy and orange near one another, and a china set that is far too nice for my income bracket (thanks mom).