Dog Honeymoon: Over

The more horrified I am by a thing’s mere existence on this earth, the more effort he will put into getting that thing in his mouth.

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  1. And then I get to wrassle its revoltingness from his maws. Wet wads of toilet paper. Meat wrappers. Chewed gum with unknown bits sticking to it. Gigantic poops. Last night I pulled a bloody stump out of Otis’ mouth. A bloody stump . . . of what? you ask.

    Just. A bloody stump.

  2. What the FU*K are you doing to my dog?! I never have these troubles. Never. Gigantic poops? The creature is 6 lbs! He’s just not capable. Oh duckie. You should seriously reconsider getting your own dog… Just wait until you have to clean up diarrhea. Or he vomits on you.

    Children, I hear, are even worse.

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