Archive for October, 2009

How I Became An Asshole: Selected Diary Entries

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

May 16, 1993
Dear Jornal,
Today is Tuesday, and guess what’s going to happen? I’m going to the dentist to get teeth pulled. Four teeth normally but I lost one of them that was supposed to be pulled! Ha, ha! But I still have three more to go. Thank goodness it’s only baby teeth. Another good thing [...]

Online Dating

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

I’m here for the quizzes, people.

What. My ex wants to know how compatible we are, so I answered some questions (87%) and uploaded a picture of myself as zombie Baby Spice. Take me out.

Sometimes Life is Like This

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

He had just spun me like a top in my white go-go boots, and grasped me again around the waist, his face against the elastic of my long blonde wig. “God, you still smell good!” he said into my neck. And I thought, I do? Maybe it’s the sickly-sweet of gold glitter spray.
And then I [...]

The First Night

Monday, October 19th, 2009

1.) The first night in my new apartment, the idea of having a permanent residence again was all it took to thrill me. I inflated my air mattress, and made the bed. I unpacked my clothes and stacked my books underneath the windowsills (no bookshelf). I plugged in my laptop and connected to the wireless, [...]

I Am The Villain

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

I haven’t had this problem since I was a kid — but for the past few weeks, whenever I see you cry, I have to stop this smile from spreading over my face. You are sitting across from me, overwhelmed with grief. You have just told me something awful. My face pulls at the corners [...]