Paging Doctor Web, Part Two

Hilariously — I discovered some time ago — I had developed a severe allergy to band-aids. Specifically the adhesive: medical tape was out, waterproof, sensitive skin, Snoopy decals. I’d wear one for an hour and sport the telltale parallel welts for weeks, waiting impatiently for the sweet fade into a less violent, more subtle chemical burn. This problem has proved to be more inconvenient than you’d think. Holding gauze against one’s skin for a couple of hours, while usually hilariously doable, isn’t always an option.

“Doctor,” I said, “I think I have ringworm.”

“Indeed you do!” he cried. “Sweet Lord!”

“Oh, oh oh oh wait,” I added. “See, I didn’t want my boyfriend to catch it while we slept, so I covered all of the rashes with band-aids — only I’m allergic to band-aids, which I knew, only as I’ve gotten older the allergy has gotten worse I guess, so I’m hideous. Just ignore that, that and that, and this over here, and also that. The things we do for love, right?”

He stared at me in disbelief. “Ringworm isn’t communicable.”

“What!” I cried. “That’s not what the internet said.”

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  1. (For those of you concerned, this is now in the blessed distant past. And I still didn’t believe him over all the entries I’d read online, and wore long underwear and turtlenecks until that shit was gone.)

  2. I can’t wear band-aids, or any generic brand, either! I wonder what it is about our genes that hate sticky stuff…

    Isn’t ringworm some fungus that one can pick up on shower-room floors, thus the need for shower shoes in college?! That stuff is totally contagious! Right…?

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