All My Friends Are Married

Every Tom and Dick and Harry. Check out the pictures from Kelly and Keegan’s wedding for frisbee golf nets, bagpipe players, nausea-inducing cigars, and the couple making like a less-morose-Lady-Shalott and drifting away in a canoe. Hells yes.

All on board for Marriedtown.

Never thrown.

We camped out on the deserted Woodstock fair grounds that night, under the canopy of the bandstand as a fire crackled in a tin bucket below. I realized I was getting old when, after I’d finally convinced myself there were no ghosts or wild animals to be afraid of, I jumped ten feet in the air to a deep, alien sound: only to realize it was one of the groomsmen, snoring two tents over.

The next morning I crawled crusty-eyed into the daylight, and complained about my hips.

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  1. Dude. What is with everyone getting married? I don’t really see the advantages. I already have a Kitchenaid mixer.

  2. What’s really hitting home for me is how much work can go into these things. When I get married I’d rather have someone else throw it for me, like my surprise ’80s 17th birthday party.

    “Surprise! Now don this gold lamee strapless pouf dress. Also, one of your friends is licking a toilet seat on a dare, and people are making out in the basement.”

  3. Molly: The Kitchenaid is the #3 reason for getting married. Number one is serious knives. If you aren’t chopping onions with a Shun, it’s time to get hitched. The number two reason is the sweet-ass after party.

    Meanwhile, DRZA: you should do what I did, and let your fiance(e) do most of the heavy lifting, while “doing your share” with fun jobs, such as playlist-making and invitation-designing.

  4. You’re welcome. And who was making out? I didn’t know anyone got any action with my parents patrolling.

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