The Lease Addendum

1. The lessor acknowledges a received payment in the sum of ___, to be applied to the last month’s rent; upon signature of this lease and addendum, an additional sum of ___ is due, to be applied to the first month’s rent.

2. No one other than the tenants listed on this lease may inhabit this apartment during the time of tenancy. Subletting is not permitted.

3. No more than one cat shall be permitted in the apartment at any time.

4. The lessee is to ensure that seventy-five percent (75%) of the surface area of the floors (not including tiled or linoleum areas, such as the kitchen and bathroom) in the apartment must be covered at all times by area rugs or carpeting.

4. Wait, seriously? Did you just read that? But you love the floors!

5. Man, it is almost ten o’clock at night and you haven’t eaten dinner yet. That suuuuuucks. What’s this broker doing here, so late? Why do they all put pomade in their hair and drive Cadillacs? Note to future self: do not become a broker.

6. Just sign the lease. Just sign it. It’s fine.

7. The tenants may not paint, alter, add or attach anything to the floors, ceilings, or walls. The tenants may have oral confirmation from the lessor that “pastel colors are okay, like a light blue maybe?” but they must confirm all colors again before any painting activity begins.

8. The tenants understand that they are also signing a legally binding agreement to remain romantically involved until the end of tenancy. The tenants understand that this will double the length of their relationship, and they’re pretty comfortable with this arrangement, but God help them if they change their minds before next September.

9. Really, this apartment is pretty sweet. It is too bad about the floors. Maybe you can be sneaky.

10. Initial here, initial here, sign here, and do not forget to sign this addendum.

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2 Comments

  1. brilliant. a succinct but illuminating rendition of the perils of the confusing legalize, the ominous signing away of what one would expect as a nominal “right”, and the personal romantic implications that become entangled in THE LEASE.

  2. I signed the lease to move into my boyfriend’s house while drunk. It’s the only way to do it!

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